


Lacrimosa

by Nillen



Series: Hartwin Week [2]
Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Emotional Hurt, Hartwin Week, M/M, Not A Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-18
Updated: 2015-08-18
Packaged: 2018-04-15 10:05:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4602621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nillen/pseuds/Nillen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I went through darkness and I survived it with you holding my hand tight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lacrimosa

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Kingsman: The Secret Service.

I went through darkness and I survived it with you holding my hand tight.

* * *

 

The moment I saw you for the first time, I saw flashes of my life pass in front of my eyes. I wonder how long it would take for you to give up on me and wonder what sins you could have done in your past life, all of it redeemed by saving me.

You said it would be all right, and all the sins would be atoned for in the end, because not even stars could shine without the night sky looking so very dead.

I trusted you, I believed in you, and I let my arms open wide to soar while I fall down into your depth.

You were warmth, you were light, you were all those little smiles packed up in an explosion disguised as a small fire. You were the hours I waited for each and every night I lived. You were the gentle touches, the tiny little compliments scattered along the mirrors in an empty wooden room, and you were the chiding voices leading me to see what I could – and should – become.

In other words, in other, so many words, you were a gift that was given to me, but was too afraid to accept.

So I put you away, and tried to see through you instead.

I tried to see through you, when all there were around us were words filled with venom, and your disappointment and fury were sharp while they were clawing their way into my eyes and throat. I felt a clench inside my chest, where I buried pieces of you I have kept, each and every time you have glanced my way.

I remembered words, but I couldn’t remember what they meant.

I remembered voices, but I couldn’t remember the tone.

I remembered your face, but I don’t remember it any longer.

And so you fell down onto the Earth, with my dreams and your hopes burning so brightly it blinded me. The touches you traced, the words you whispered, and the smile you carved, all against my skin, burning like Jonah’s scorching rage, and I burnt along with you, crying and screaming, and I die as I burnt, and burnt, and _burnt_.

 

The sun shone for you yesterday, a paradox in the form of heavy rain crying for you as well, was something that I could impossibly understand. There were tears shed for you, and accolades made for you, but none of them could ever bring you back.

Your heart was embraced by the soil, the soil of the land you always said I needed to love.

But my love was not something I could give away.

My love was the red blood on my chest, as I tried to scratch away the skin with my fingers, wishing for it to die. My love was the dry eyes that stared at your cold lips wishing they could at least bid me the last goodbye. My love was the dreams haunted by your voice, familiar in my ears but none that I could recite. And _my love_ , my love was the one that would follow you down to where you were going, where it promises to be yours and only yours.

But now, your name was merely an echo of a silent memory of what could have been.

And every flash of your little smile, and your laugh, and your dream, and your touch, I will make them marks I taint my walls with, and wishing for them to burn along as I reduce myself into ashes.

You would have stopped me if you could, I knew, but love, it was always done on the reason that you just, _can’t_ , anymore.

At least not anymore.

Not anymore.

Not when my gift was taken away long before I could reach out to take it back.

* * *

 

I went through darkness and I survived it with you holding my hand, and now I could only say I miss you, I miss you _, I miss you_ , so please, just hold on tight.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this! ;)


End file.
